


Recovery

by aidacaroti



Series: After the War [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, Gen, Post-War, Recovery, Short
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-07-11 23:18:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15982595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aidacaroti/pseuds/aidacaroti
Summary: In those dark days after the final battle it was hard to believe that we did, in fact, win. It was hard to see the positives when so many were dead. They say that war leaves far more scars that the visible ones, and it's true. No person that lived through those dark days escaped unscathed. We wear the scars to this day.This book is a reflection on those days after the war, told by my eighteen year old self.





	1. Week 1

Hermione Jean Granger - A reflection on the war and those days after

I suppose it's easy now to look back on the war and point out all the mistakes we made. We should have taken extra polyjuice potion to the ministry. We should never have stayed for the wedding. We should never have gone to Godric's Hollow. So many mistakes that we all made. Yet, the history books all say that in the end, the mistakes don't matter, we won. 

But did we? In those dark days after the final battle it was hard to believe that we did, in fact, win. It was hard to see the positives when so many were dead. They say that war leaves far more scars that the visible ones, and it's true. No person that lived through those dark days escaped unscathed. We wear the scars to this day. 

This book is a reflection on those days after the war, told by my eighteen year old self. As an avid reader it is important to me that the truth of that year is told by my own words. Of course, this is my damaged eighteen-year-old self's experience of that year- how we all grew stronger and recovered. 

Week 1. 

We won. Or that's what people keep telling me, that is what is plastered across the papers. But we didn't, did we? 

Surely winning should mean I'm happy, I'm not, therefore we didn't win. Logical, yes? 

I've barely seen Harry since the day after, he's been with Kingsley at the ministry. When I did last see him, he looked tired and like I felt. There is so much we need to talk about, so much I need to talk to him about. He understands- he know why it is so hard to go from 'constant vigilance' to freedom. He wouldn't treat me like they do. Neither would Ron.

That has perhaps been the worst part of this whole week, the poor Weasley's. I've stayed with o them this week, in Ginny's room like before. Same bed, same duvet, almost like nothing has changed. But of course everything has. Seven Weasley children down to six. It's like the Earth has shifted, like gravity has been turned off. Everything that had once been so clear, so easy, is no longer so. Even Ron. 

I haven't spoken to him, I've tried. Ron's family need him, I'm trying to be supportive, understanding, it's hard. They need him, they need his grin, his cheer, his hugs and his support. Especially George and Molly. They all need him. He hasn't even seen them for a year. It's selfish of me to expect him to be with me all the time. 

In my dark moments, when I wake from one of those nightmares I begin to think that perhaps we are not in love, or together. That perhaps, just perhaps, we only kissed because we thought the world was ending. Those moments are the hardest, it's like I can still feel her hands in my hair- like I never left that room. One look at Ron is all that I need to remind I me. We are forever. He is mine and I am his. Even if it's not now, it will be soon. We belong together and have done since we were eleven- I know that now. So I squeeze his hand when he starts to fall, I kiss his cheek when he stumbles. I let him know that I am here, I will always be here. It helps him, I think. 

"Hermione?" Ginny asks quietly as we lay in bed. Her voice tense. "What was it like?"

I am floored, what does she mean, 'What was it like?' I think to Ron splinching, to my parents, Ron leaving and Godric's Hollow. So many atrocities, so much fear. How can I explain that? So I don't. "Easier than yours." It's true. Sure our year was hard but we were together, alone, for the most part. 

"Do you think we will be ever okay?" Her voice broke.

"We will be," I said and I meant it


	2. Week 2

We buried Fred today.

It seems a strange thing to say, that he's gone. But he is. They buried him in his dragon skin jacket; we wore coloured clothes to Muriel's horror. We had fireworks and celebrated his life. It was almost a party, except for, of course, the fact that we were burying him.

George has barely spoken since that day. I know that Ron has spent most of his time with him, just sitting, not speaking. I tried to help them this week, tried to help them cook, prepare, but i was just in the way. I am, after all, the outsider. I'm not family. I'm in the way. Seeing the Weasley's makes me want to go to find my family, but I can't, not yet. 

Harry spoke to me earlier in hushed tones, he knows that I will be going soon and he offered to come with me. We both know that as much as the Weasley's love us they need Ron right now. They have their son back after months, they need to connect.

I watch Ron sometimes, I'm so proud of the man he has become, so strong, so brave. I sometimes see Bill and Charlie watching him in amazement as he makes someone laugh and George eat. He's not the boy he was. 

"I feel so guilty," Ron mumbled. We were laid in his room, his head in my lap whilst I wrote, well, this. "I wasn't here for his last year alive. I missed so much."

"You were where you needed to be."

"I was needed here. I should have been with Ginny, protecting her at Hogwarts."

"We wouldn't have survived without you," I said firmly. There was and is no time for what ifs. If we start that then we might as well start thinking 'what if James and Lily had never trusted Peter, what if they'd never become friends with Harry, what if...' 

"You are the brightest witch of our age, and Harry's not half bad," he said with a small smile.

"But you are our light, you are the one that makes us laugh- that forced us to live in the present. That was you. Not us."

"There is so much I wanted to say to him."

"Then write them down, tell him." Ron thought about it hard before nodding, I hope he does wrote them down. It'll help him. It helps me. 

"Do you think Harry is alright?" Ron asked suddenly, "I feel like we never see him."

"He's coping in the only way he can, Ron."

"He's basically already joined the aurors. He's had no training," Ron said fiercely, "They are pushing too hard, he needs a rest." 

"Then tell him that, he'll listen to you."

"I will and I'll tell Kingsley too, they need to stop using him." Ron jumped up and pulled on his cloak, "I'm going."

"Ron... Wait!" 

But he was already gone.


	3. Week 3

Ron and Harry argued today. It was violent, scary, and the rest of the Weasleys were frozen in shock. 

 

The argument has been brewing all week, starting because of Harry pushing himself too much and then culminating when Harry refused to see reason.

 

"You died less than a month ago," Ron screamed, "I have already lost one brother, don't you make me lose another!" 

 

There had been silence for a long time after that. 

 

Then, George, who has barely spoke recently, said (in a serious tone), "Merlin Ron! I've only got one bloody ear!" 

 

Ron had laughed and Harry had gone to spend time with Ginny. 

 

Which was better than what was happening before, I suppose.

 

I still need to find my parents, I went to the library to research and I think I know where their practice is. I promised myself I would go as soon as possible, but with Ron, Harry and the Weasleys- the timing just doesn't seem right. 

 

But I'll have to leave soon. I don't want to have to ask them to come with me, but I need them there. I want them both there. 

 

Our final adventure


	4. Chapter 4

Week 4

 

I finally told both the boys about my plan to leave. I'd already got the portkeys and travel all sorted. 

 

They both said they'd come, I didn't even need to ask.

 

But that's how we are. Sometimes I think we are so connected that we don't need to verbalise, we just know. Ginny looked sad but she didn't ask to come. I think she realised this was our final adventure, our last hurrah. That's one of the things I admire about her.

 

Molly was furious. One of her sons are dead and then the other- that had just returned- wanted to leave as well. No wonder she was mad. Ron kissed her cheek when she forbade him from going and said nothing. I know she cried. 

 

I've packed the beaded bag, all our belongings are stashed away. I've brought food this time too. I know we don't need that much, not like last time, but I have the fear that something will go wrong and we will need it all. Neither Harry or Ron laughed when I told them, they of course understand. 

 

I wonder what my parents will think of I find them. What they'll do and say? 

 

And of course if they choose to come back with us then I'll have to move back with them. Away from the boys, the Weasley's, everyone who understands.

 

But I suppose that's my penance.


	5. Chapter 5

Week 5

We leave today. I'm sat here, alone, and I'm terrified. What if I can't find them? What if they've died? Had a car crash?

What if they are alive? 

What if they don't want to leave Australia?

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

~~_**What if they hate me?** _ ~~

 

I don't have any if the answers I seek. I wish I did. I wish all the answers were in a book, but life is far too complicated in reality to be solved by books alone. 

Both of them are coming with me, and I'm so very glad. I also feel so very guilty. I'm tearing Ron away from his family and I know he's coming apart at the seams. He is hiding behind looking after everyone else. Pretending he isn't hurt. 

And Harry, sweet Harry. He looks as if he's made of paper. So fragile, so young. I watch him tremble when the door bangs, him flinch when someone touches him. 

They are broken. 

They shouldn't be leaving. They should be here, with family. They need to heal.

But when have they ever done as they were supposed to? 


	6. Chapter 6

I don’t know what I was expecting when we came to Australia. I think a large part of me was expecting this to be easy. I’d search for my parents, perhaps use a phonebook, and within a couple of days all would be well. I think I was expecting there to be a very simply magical solution to the mess of my own creation. 

Ron looks better for being away at least. He laughed earlier today and stopped straight after looking guilty. 

My heart hurts looking at him. 

Harry on the other hand looks worse, I know he’s trying to stay out of the way. He doesn’t want to intrude on our time. I don’t feel like he understands yet that things haven’t really changed. We are friends, all three of us. We want Harry with us. Still, Harry has always been a self-sacrificing martyr. A leopard can’t change his spots. 

I don’t think we are going to find them, and I’m sure I’m wasting the boys’ time. I’ve dragged them from comfort and family to another pointless search. 

But I’m glad they are here. I don’t think I could do it without them.


End file.
